100,000 Orgy Reply Topic

Nope.avi

I could if I woul;d/// ah fine

my head hurts right now so my typing will suck

okay so this piece of shit game, called super paper mario. It is so fucking bad, nothing can ever compare to how bad this game is. You fags got yer Other Ms and Douk Nookems 4ever, well this shit does, not, compare. It does not. Even worse, there are fags out there who will willingly take this up the ass and pass it as decent, maybe even unique. Hell by now I shouldnt be surprised, every fucking bad thing in this world ought to happen,. amirite? Well, I dont like where this post is going, so if I sound extremely mad then dont bother responding back, remember how cool I was back then causing shit in the old foru- okay Ill stop.






so yeah, thisd game is dickballs. I am an avid player of the first two PM, I replay both annually (But I have a soft spot for PM64), so I know this shit inside out. What SPM basically equates to is the inside out guts of a chicken who had too much gumption to cross a road, and is now a bloody, mangled maggot riddled corpse that would make even a saint vomit from it's stench, as the corpse had been baking in the hot sun for a time now. I cannot express my disbelief, my disgust, my unwarranted fury, most accurately enough. I had not bothered with this game at the time of release, and I would just pass it off as "cool, whatever". I remember when it was supposed to be on the Gamecube but then got lazily ported onto the wii with tacked on motion bullshit, instead of meeting its quota, so that alone was enough to not pay any attention to it as well.

well now my friends, since I have learned to homebrew crap, I took it upon myself one boring day to snag an iso of this baby and play for myself

I was not ready for what was to come.

to put it in perspective, I tried watching a lets play of this game before ever attempting this pirate, and even then I couldnt bring myself to watch 10 minutes of it. It was extremely boring. But I had to play it for myself.

So, I booted the game up

Right off the bat you are treated to an introduction much like TTYD. For the purpose of this half assed review at 4 am in the morning with bad headache induced grammar and aching hands, I will let you know that I will be mentioning TTYD a lot, because this game does a blatant job of siphoning what little assets it did get from TTYD, where only I am autistic enough to notice it

The intro is fucking retarded




Usually you expect an intro to simply set up the story. To start the conflict, so we can see what happened, where it went wrong, and where we are expected to fill in the blanks as the player. SPM spectacularly fails at this, because the plot itself is incredibly unorthodox and confusing, rivaling the worst of grim n dark edgy tween fanfics of pick-your-terrible-fanbase-game straight out of DeviantFart bullshit phenomenananavdgvvgf.... anyways. Its beachs and powser's weddin', and we get this fag named count bleck



who is arranging the marriage for some reason . Already we do not know what the fuck is going on, and at this point I am about as invested in the story as a jew at a pork convention (no offense jews.. actually who cares, go baw somewhere else)... Uh.. okay so peach and bowser get married I guess? And then this mary sue fag Count Bleck* and another slew of mary sues get the Chaos Emerald? to then open the gates of hell. Also I should mentione Bowser's army is there, and they all look awkwarkly placed.

[spoiler=*]It seems certain Mario RPGs suffer from a dilemma of uninteresting Mary Sues that barely get the player invested besides children who think its badass (Need I mention Geno?). I guess this may or may not stem from balancing the style of Mario games with other things tailor-made for RPG settings. Oh, but this isn't an RPG. I guess that makes it even more fucking retarded![/spoiler]


Above: This shit fucking SCREAMS of Deviant Art. holy shit. Good thing the game is so fucking bad I quit at Chapter 2-4: The Basement Face-Off, so fuck me if there's things I cant bitch about.

so theres this bullshit happening, and as usual.. or maybe not as usual? Luigi trys to save teh day. I will also mention from here on out that a lot of the characters have unusual new personalities. Based on how I got to know these characters in past PM games, and the way they made them here... I just cannot put my finger on it, but something is off. so luigi trys being a tryhard and save the day but I guess he doesnt? (wow how do I even remember all this bullshit)..

Then I dont know what happens. I guess the gist of it is this count bleck fag from another DA dimension gets the chaos heart because the event of Bowser and peach getting married is such an awful and negative thing that it causes the chaos emerald to break op-.. Im sorry, I cant do this. I cant. Already I told you the plot makes no fucking sense, and for a paper Mario game where you are invested in the story because its the mario universe shown in an intimate light... ...this sounds like it was made by a 7 year old... A 7 year old riding a subway train...



"Aren't I a clever shrew?"




ugh... fu\dsf I really dont want to review this but. Im tryin. By the GODS AND GANT IM TRYING.



so enough about the fucking story, time for the gamplay. All us gamboys LOVE the gameplay, rite?? us gamers huh?? Its All about da gameplay.



Needless to say, the gameplay is twice as fucking retarded as the plot. I know this is an oversaturated statement, but I'll say it. SUPER PAPER MARIO SACRIFICES WHAT MADE THE FIRST TWO PAPER MARIOS SO GREAT AND MEMORABLE [RPG ELEMENTS], TO BE MADE INTO A HALF ASSED 2D PLATFORMER WITH A SHOE HORNED FLIPPING GIMMICK THAT WEARS IT'S WELCOME OUT QUICKLY BECAUSE YOU WILL BE USING IT NONSTOP.

ALSO YOUR HP SLOWLY DRAINS IF YOU FLIP TO 3-D. FUN FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY!


This is about as mediocre as it gets. No, scratch that, it goes way beyond mediocre, it becomes downright awful. But because this is in the Paper Mario aesthetic, I can only imagine the pain fellow Paper Mario fans must feel when trying this game out. In the old games, you'd be in a gimped platformin' mode in the overworld, with the only intent of these abilities to explore your surroundings and very minimalistic platforming and trekking. In here, you will be sorely reminded of these moments, because thats how you will feel by playing this game at any given time. It also doesn't help that its disgustingly 2D. The older games had great setpieces and environments, so to see the PM style wasted on this... Is just saddening.

Nevermind the fact that the other underlying style of this game is awful and tryhard. Its as if some hipster tried scrawling something on a napkin at a Starbucks and crumpled it onto the floor. The "pixel" world that they're going for here feels incredibly half-assed and only to serve the new retarded flipping gimmick.





You can play as Peach, Luigi or Bowser, but from what I was told since I will never touch this game again, is that you dont even play as the latter two until late into the game, and even then you will be using Mario above all else to use the stupid flipping CONSTANTLY. Also, did I mention how boring the 3D worlds are?




Vast expanses of nothing, with weirdly placed blocks and whatnot. This could have actually served as a neat little niche concept for another IP. But since us silly people got tired of RPGs, we got something NEW AND UNIQUE AND FUN FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY! See also: Paper Mario: Sticker Star. Although, to Sticker Suck's credit, it does seem like its trying to get back to the RPG formula, but not without its dumb new problems presented. If it does bomb, it can't possibly do worse than SPM. That I'm sure of.

So what else is there to bitch about? Oh, the power ups are fucking retarded. They couldnt just do with the standard set of power ups or make new ones that made sense. It seems the tryhard clusterfuck of the game's plot and gameplay extends to all things. Its as if they took the power ups from Kirby Air Ride's Top Mode, made them 100% more retarded, and dumped them all in here.



"But Cin? What about the partners?"

OH YOU LOVE PARTNERS HUh? YOU FUCKIN LOVE THEM SO MUCH? WELL YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THESE PARTNERS!


"..."

The partners, I don't even want to bother mentioning. they are devoid of personality and are just more of those weird pixel stick people. I find it funny when you find one of these... things.. inside a chest, they explode into a frenetic and eccentric intro, as if to lay down the basis of their well-being to get it over with, because after that there is ZERO exposition between them. Not that I know of at least. They aren't partners. They are tools.



the overall feeling I get from this game is an extremely niche and experimental GameCube game. I honestly think this should've have been on the GC. Getting it ported to the Wii during the WOWITSFUCKINGNOTHING times of EXCITE TRUCK AND MARIO STRIKERS CHARGED as the only games.. It cheapens itself, and then some.

A ton of TTYD assets were used. I can notice certain sound effects, textures and details being used. This might as well have been a minigame in TTYD..

the wii motion controls were obviously tacked on in an effort to take advantage of the Wii's shit, despite how it's already messed up the PM formula. Oh great I get to shake like a crazy person to pull off cool moves, or go out of my way to point at the screen and find hidden shit. Whoopteedoo.

It is just extremely boring. The level design is weak. Even weaker in 3D. There is not much joy in simply jumping on an enemy, and most enemies have the tryhard pixel design I speak of. There is nothing admirable about what SPM sets out to accomplish.

Often, very often, there is just a TON of text. the dialogue constantly interrupts the flow of the so called platforming. It is ridiculous. My condolences to the 2D Mario fags back then getting this game because it was labeled a platformer...



WTF did I just watch? Oh WOW, DIMENTIO* WAS TEH BAD GUY ALL ALONGZ! Who gives a fuck. Seriously. That nigger is like an overly flamboyant Geno on steroids. More badassery shit for the kiddies to lap up.

If there is anything redeemable about this game, I will never find out.



To the apologists who keep mumbling that this game is "alright", despite the damage it has done, I say:

Get some good taste.

I honestly wish I could add more to my reply but it's been so long since I've played SPM and I'd like to keep it that way.

That and I need to keep up my trademark conciseness.

Oh who am I kidding. There is no hope left in man.

I want more of Cin's reviews. They're more honest than actual ones.

Short of electrocution and the swamp the rest don't seem that big a deal. I don't recall Mario drowning being much more than a yawn and "TOO BAD~" but I haven't played Galaxy in forever (nor do I really have to urge to)


Speaking of yawns, I see NSMB2 is doing stellar, heheh. Haven't seen a thread on /v/ about it in days and there were THREE random Mario threads earlier this morning, all of them civil.

Late night-early morning /v/ confirmed for god tier.